Surprised at the title? Me too. Normally, Let’s Plays are my comfort food. Something to watch/listen in the background as I do more important things that don’t require that much attention. Over the years, this comfort food as turned into a habit and not a good one at that. Now most of my days I spend watching Let’s Plays on repeat while I do … nothing at all. I want to change that. So I’m going to write down some of the reasons I suspect that this pastime has turned into a bad habit of mine.
One of the first reasons that comes to mind is that I’m a creature of repetition. I like to do certain things over and over again. It keeps me in a safe and comfortable space. Watching Let’s Plays is no exception. I tend to focus my attention on a couple of channels but never dwell beyond them. Unfortunately, I watch them all the time. Especially if I like a video. Don’t be surprised when I say that I have watched some videos over 6 or 7 times over the span of a week. That’s a lot of time dedicated to videos that rarely go past the 1 hour mark. On the other hand, watching a movie or an episode is a battle for me. I just can’t focus my attention on them anymore as I used to. I think I’m suffering from psychomotor agitation and ,unfortunately, watching Let’s Plays is one of the few things that grounds me to the present. Not much of a present though if all you do is watch people play videogames all day long. Normally I would ground myself in the present by being with friends or doing other hobbies but those options have become more limited during this time which leads to my second reason.
The second reason is that I’m lonely. I have lost a lot of friends over the years and I miss having them. Hanging out and seeing people was something that I rarely do even before the pandemic. Now I only see and hangout with one person. This has led to me to vicariously live through Let’s Plays by connecting with the players in the videos. I feel this kinship with them even though we are complete and total strangers. Just hearing them talk alleviates my worries but only as the video is playing. Once the video stops, I go back to feeling lonely. Add in my repetition and ,well, you can see how this has turned into an uncontrollable habit.
And I think that’s it. These two reasons are the reason that I have Let’s Plays on repeat and why they have become a habit that no longer is beneficial to me. It just keeps me in this cycle of pain and suffering that I have lived on for years now. Now that I want and am willing to change that, I can start to let go of this habit so I can live a better more plentiful life. I want to watch movies, read books and play videogames. Not to focus on other people playing videogames as a substitute for missing friends and other hobbies. Hopefully by writing this down, I can move forward with my life.